Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The fear of biological offspring

We hear it a lot - adoptees and donor conceived alike - that we should not be allowed identifying information about our biological parents because we'd stalk them, harass them, and generally ruin their lives.

Where does this fear come from? What does it indicate in those that feel it?

In my not so humble opinion, it proves they do believe what they pretend they don't: that

1) children sundered from their biological parents will somehow be damaged and different and potentially dangerous. Psychos. Nurture by those wonderful intending parents won't be enough to fix these young humans, and they'll be walking time bombs.

2) the desire to know one's biological parents is so normal, so natural, so strong that nothing will come in its way. They know it in their bones, though they may not admit it, that they themselves would do whatever it takes to break down the barriers separating them from knowledge of their kin.

3) there's something wrong about surrendering your child, whether through adoption or by donating gametes. Those who did this performed a service to those wonderful intended parents, so we must officially laud their actions, but of course they'll keep this a secret from their loved ones, their friends and families, for the rest of their lives, and if anyone found out about it, their lives would be ruined.

(But, wait, why should it be wrong? Can't you tell your girlfriend, before you propose, "Oh, and by the way, I already have kids with lots of other women. Probably"? Don't they have picture books entitled "Your daddy was a donor when he was in college: you have dozens of siblings you'll never meet" or "Your older brother was surrendered for adoption but we kept you"?)

The victory of Victoria is a great step forward and I'm glad that someone somewhere has recognized that the right to the truth about yourself trumps someone else's "right" to secrecy and lies.

I'm sure this will never happen in my neck of the woods, but I'm really happy for those DC in Australia who'll finally have their answers.