A good friend of mine has miraculously discovered it might be possible for me to find SOMETHING out. Records about donors were apparently kept at the fertility clinic where I was most probably (or quite possibly?) conceived, although donor conception was not official at the time (1981) or in any way regulated by the law.
So, possibly, in some filing cabinet, the idetity of my real father might lurk (although I actually don't yet know for a FACT that I AM donor conceived - although I KNOW it based on family rumors and the fact that I look absolutely nothing like my "father" and neither do my kids).
And it would be illegal for them to reveal the identity to me.
So I asked the friend's friend - a person with connections among the doctors - to ask about the following things that really concern me, in order of importance:
1. Did my mother have fertility treatment there and what kind - IUI or IVF? Was her husband's sperm used or a donor's?
2. If a donor's sperm was used, what information am I entitled to? Can I know his name OR surame (as this does not infringe on anonymity)? His ethnicity? Occupation? Level and area of education? Color of hair, eyes, height, blood type, medical history, ANYTHING?
(Hey, medical history comes last for me. It's often touted as the reason we might want to know about the donors. Not for me. I don't need more stuff to worry about.)
3. Could the clinic contact the donor and ask him if he'd be open to anonymously - or not, whichever he prefers - exchanging a couple of emails with his biological offspring for the purpose of gathering general information which wouldn't necessarily jeopardize anonymity? Or could the clinic act as middleman in such communication? (I'm interested in general, harmless stuff, such as family interests, aptitudes, hobbies, temperaments, nothing scary.)
4. If it was IVF, how many embryos were there in total?
(I find it's important to me if I have discarded siblings that didn't make it for any reason. As in, Why me?)
What would YOU want to know if you couldn't know the PERSON? What information would you try to get?