A good friend of mine has miraculously discovered it might be possible for me to find SOMETHING out. Records about donors were apparently kept at the fertility clinic where I was most probably (or quite possibly?) conceived, although donor conception was not official at the time (1981) or in any way regulated by the law.
So, possibly, in some filing cabinet, the idetity of my real father might lurk (although I actually don't yet know for a FACT that I AM donor conceived - although I KNOW it based on family rumors and the fact that I look absolutely nothing like my "father" and neither do my kids).
And it would be illegal for them to reveal the identity to me.
So I asked the friend's friend - a person with connections among the doctors - to ask about the following things that really concern me, in order of importance:
1. Did my mother have fertility treatment there and what kind - IUI or IVF? Was her husband's sperm used or a donor's?
2. If a donor's sperm was used, what information am I entitled to? Can I know his name OR surame (as this does not infringe on anonymity)? His ethnicity? Occupation? Level and area of education? Color of hair, eyes, height, blood type, medical history, ANYTHING?
(Hey, medical history comes last for me. It's often touted as the reason we might want to know about the donors. Not for me. I don't need more stuff to worry about.)
3. Could the clinic contact the donor and ask him if he'd be open to anonymously - or not, whichever he prefers - exchanging a couple of emails with his biological offspring for the purpose of gathering general information which wouldn't necessarily jeopardize anonymity? Or could the clinic act as middleman in such communication? (I'm interested in general, harmless stuff, such as family interests, aptitudes, hobbies, temperaments, nothing scary.)
4. If it was IVF, how many embryos were there in total?
(I find it's important to me if I have discarded siblings that didn't make it for any reason. As in, Why me?)
Thoughts?
What would YOU want to know if you couldn't know the PERSON? What information would you try to get?
If possible, maybe the reasons why he donated. Of course, only if any contact could be established (unless they kept records of this, which is unlikely).
ReplyDeleteThe details of the info you are lawfully entitled to are available publicly. Check your mail :).
NLR
It never ocurred to me. Donations still can't legally be paid for in this country, so I guess I just assumed it was a genuine "charitable donation."
DeleteI guess I'd really like my real father to be really nice and good and altruistic...
If you were conceived in 1981 the donation would have been fresh. That means the person donating was in the office at the same time as your mom. In my research helping find the father of another person whose a Donor's child the head of UT Southwestern's donor conception program told me that it typically takes 6 insemination to get a woman pregnant which means the guy has to be handy (not just handy handy, but has to be physically in the office a bunch when your mom came in for appointments). So the bit about them being medical students is turning out to be a little bit not so true during the time you were conceived. The reality is that he was more likely either her physician or a physician in the same office or a physician in the same medical office building. Look for any papers written by your mom's physician and the doctors that are named on the same study. Look for old telephone books from that year on ancestry.com and get the names of all the physicians in the building and start looking at their photos. 81 was not that long ago most will still be in practice. The men who donated seem to be ob/gyns or involved in reproductive health. I guess the only saving grace is that the doctors knew for sure that their sperm had no venereal diseases. Look on facebook for photos of the doctors kids. If the photos really hit you over the head your on to something good luck
ReplyDeleteWow, marilynn, thanks! That was the same thing that I thought - doctors, not anonymous student donors. Which gives me a bit of hope - they knew exactly what they were doing, they might still be there, and they might not be scared of me!
DeleteI live in a very different part of the world and this might not lead me anywhere, but it makes me feel a bit better.